Project life cycle

Future Generation people

Men and women

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says:
"I want the men to form two queues,one line for the men who had control over their women,and the other one for the men who were controlled by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there is only one man. God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I Created in you my image, and you were all controlled by your mates. Look at the Only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud.Learn from him!""Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Tax Deduction

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks,but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God - INDIA ,they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.The President was amused, but thought Rs.50 would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.So, he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.30.The little boy was delighted with Rs. 30, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.. However, I noticed that you sent it through the President's Office . . and those people deducted Rs.20 as tax".

Funny Scooter

One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way…

Friend : Why are you pushing your scooter manually?

Scooter

Sardarji : I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home.

Friend : Is it! then, how did you come to office from home in the morning?

Sardarji : I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.

Before Marriage & After Marriage

BEFORE MARRIAGE

Boy:-Yes at last! it was so hard to wait!
Girl:-Do you want me to leave?
Boy:-No!don't ever think about it?
Girl:-Do you love me?
Boy:-Ofcourse!over & over!
Girl:-Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy:-No! why are you even asking?
Girl:-Will you kiss me?
Boy:-Every chance i get!
Girl:-Will you hit me?
Boy:-Are you crazy? i am not that kind of person
Girl:-can i trust you?
Boy:-Yes!
Girl:-My Darling-----
.
.
.
AFTER MARRIAGE

Simply read from bottom towards up

Library

Ram goes to a library and asks for a book "Pshyco The Rapist".
The librarian searches 4 hours,came back slaps and says idiot the book is called Pshycotherapist.

Cell bill

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Customer Service Agent:Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not Current bill my Mobile bill.

E-mail Letter

A post man knocks door of a sardarji's house;
Sardarji opened the door;
Post man said "Sir, there is letter for you !"
Sardarji collected the letter and told to the postman "You don't need to come from tommorrow because I got a new computer, so I will get E-mails."

Yoga classes

Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband's drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

Newton Laws viva

1.Interviewer Do you know Newton's Law???
Candidate: Sure Sir...
2.Interviewer: Well...Narrate me...
Candidate: Which one Sir?? 1st or 2nd Law???
3.Interviewer (getting shocked): How many Newton's Law do you know???
Candidate (with confidence): Well sir...there are 3 Newton's Laws.Every one knows...
4.Interviewer (Smiling): Ok. Then tell me the 2nd one.
Candidate (thinking and thinking): Sir.I can't remember the entire law exactly...But the last portion of the law I can remember.
5.Interviewer: Ok. You tell me the last portion only.
Candidate: Well sir. The last portion of the law tells like "This is called Newton's Law" !!!!!!

Student Joke

1.Interviewer:Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

2.Interviewer:Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Candidate:See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!-------------------.

3.Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.

4.Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.

5.Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)

6.Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

7.Interviewer:What is a step-up transformer?
Candidate:A transformer that is put on top of electric poles.

8.Interviewer (smiling):And then what is a step-down transformer?Candidate:hesitantly):Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?

Mathematical Conversion

Maths Teacher Was Teaching about Mathematical Conversions to students.The teacher
asked if 1000 Kgs= Ton.Then for 3000 Kgs=How Much?
One student replied:Ton!Ton!Ton!

Sam goes to hospital

Sam go to hospital for plastic surgary

Sam : Dr how much cost for Plastic Surgary
Doctor : 1 lac
Sam : What's the cost if plastic is mine

Mr. Bean's letter to Bill Gates

sir i have few questions to ask

1) The keyboard alphabet is not in order. when wil u release the correct version
2) There is Start button but nothing called stop
3) we learnt MS-Word,when wil u release MS-Sentence
4) There is Recycle Bin but nothing called Rescooter Bin

Finally 1 personal question

why r u selling window even though ur name is Gates ??

Sardar attended an interview

Once Sardar attended an Interview.

Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Sardar : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Sardar : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good. Keep it Up
Sardar : Bad.. Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Sardar : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Sardar : Insufficient! Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Sardar : Clever! Don't take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Sardar : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Sardar : You appoint me

Mind peace

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The sales person, a young boy,said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him.

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?". To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only idiots and football players!!!!!".

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

if a women is consider as a computer women

A woman is like a computer in that she costs more than you thought it would.A woman resembles a personal computer in that she will not do exactly what you thought it will.After a while, you simply cannot do without both: your computers and your woman.Computers are just like women: after you have gotten used to them and cannot do without them, you discover that one is not enough.Some computers, like some women, serve many people.You can work miracles with both by gently using your fingers if you only know the proper code.If you are inactive with them for more than fifteen minutes, they go off.
Just like a computer, the one who runs her has more privileges than just anyone else who is just running her.When there are short-circuits of electricity, they shut you off and then you cannot always return to what was before the short-circuit.Normally, they are available and receptive in the night, but it’s a lot better when they are available and receptive in the morning.

Microsoft Office boy

A Jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email". "I'm sorry", said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email." The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!" The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Johny Papa Song in computer language

ohny Johny
Yes Papa

Pvt Company
Yes Papa

Any Motivation
No Papa

Many Tension
Yes Papa

Do u Sleep well
No Papa

Onsite Opportunity
No papa

Boss Ki Galiyan
Yes Papa

Increment
Ha ha ha :)